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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28539633">staring straight back at me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertLily/pseuds/DesertLily'>DesertLily</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>T4TMA [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magnus Archives (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Queer Relationship, Comfort, Coming Out, F/F, Gender Identity, Internalised Transphobia, Kinda, Lesbian Melanie King, Melanie is Anxious about coming out, Melanie-centric, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Melanie King, POV Melanie King, Queer Character, Queer Identities, T4T TMA week, T4TMA, T4TMA Week, They/Them Pronouns for Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, They/Them Pronouns for Melanie King, Trans Georgie Barker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:41:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,425</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28539633</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertLily/pseuds/DesertLily</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Melanie struggles for a long time with who they are and how they want to identify, but it's when they're utterly in love that they allow themself to embrace who they are.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Georgie Barker/Melanie King</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>T4TMA [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2090805</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>t4tma week 2021</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>staring straight back at me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For the Queer Identities (and partially Affection) prompts for T4TMA week!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Melanie King had, in fact, once had some degree of stability in their life. They were a youtuber. They were a ghost hunter. They were a lesbian. At least, until they weren’t. For so long, Melanie had built up their career. They had a semi-stable life. They </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> what they were and who they wanted to be. That was, of course, until they didn’t. In the agent of digital media, all it took was one moment for Melanie’s career to fall apart. Distance from their co-host, loss of interest from their viewers, and a slight break down on top of it. It was the start of their life falling apart. They tried to rebuild the career to some degree, but it just ended up with them shot by a ghost. It was the rather literal end of their career. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then they took the job at the Magnus Institute - both out of curiosity and out of desperation. Being a former youtuber wasn’t the most desirable thing on a CV. But a job was a job. It paid well and most definitely paid her bills. Even if everything about it was...off. Tim was angry all the time. Martin attempted to keep the peace. And Jon was suspected of murder. Something about that last part was almost reassuring. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Melanie didn’t hate Jon. At least, not as much as they let out. But they were jealous of them. Jon was able to be open with their gender. They didn’t have the expectations of the public light of them; they had never been something close to ‘famous’. Because that was the trouble. The world didn’t know Melanie as a them; they knew them as a ‘she’, and it would be a long time before they dared to correct them. It would be a long time before they were </span>
  <em>
    <span>comfortable</span>
  </em>
  <span> enough to correct anyone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the longer they worked at the Magnus Institute, the more </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong</span>
  </em>
  <span> it felt to use she/her pronouns. It was as if something were trying to push the truth out of them; to make sure they were seen and open. But whatever that was, it was hidden beneath their anger. It was hidden beneath the growing rage that never seemed to leave them. Melanie was angry at everything and everyone. They were angry that they couldn’t be themself. They were angry that people had so many expectations of them. They were angry about the world they had found themself lost within. But most importantly? </span>
  <em>
    <span>They were furious with Elias Bouchard</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He had been the one to pull Melanie into this; to give them a part to play. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The natural response to Elias and his smug smile was the deep rooted urge to kill him. Unlike most, however, Melania had sincere intentions of murdering him. The world would be better with him dead and the concept seemed to soothe the anger inside of them. It grew less prominent as they kept trying and trying. Even if every attempt failed. They didn’t know why they were surprised that Elias had retaliated; that he had weaseled his way into their mind and taunted them with their father’s death. But it wasn’t only that. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He’d addressed them correctly</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It hadn’t been Miss King, it had Mx. There was no possible way he could have known that and it installed Melanie with the innate fear of being seen; of being exposed as something they were still trying to understand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it brought another fear alongside the hungry rage that fuelled them. The fear of exposure and losing part of them. For the longest time, Melanie had identified as a lesbian. It had been the one piece of their identity they had always been so sure about. It was something they had never questioned before. But...If they came out as nonbinary, would they lose that? Would they lose the one piece of certainty they had in their life? The prospect left an inescapable unease inside of them. But then...Then they looked at Martin. He was gay but he was still very clearly in love with Jon. Their gender (or lack of) didn’t stop him. So maybe...maybe Melanie was just overthinking things but it was a weight that wouldn’t escape them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Things got beyond hectic after that. Jon and Basire decided to perform surgery to rid them of a ghost bullet, and they lost that constant anger. They started therapy with Georgie going along with them. They grew closer and closer with Georgie. They wanted an escape. Georgie became their girlfriend. They needed to get out of the Magnus Institute. Georgie asked them to move in with her. They blinded themself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Melanie gained pure independence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Being blind was something that took time to get used to. They had to change their approach to things entirely. Georgie was with them every step of the way - not to mention how the Admiral provided perfect emotional support if they ever got too frustrated or upset. But they were Melanie King. They never gave up with ease. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So as time went on, they adjusted and they fell in love with Georgie even more with each passing day. They adored her. But Melanie also felt as if they were lying to her. Georgie was very vocal about being bi so Melanie kinew they logically had nothing to worry about but...Would Georgie be upset with them? Would she be angry that they had waited so long to tell her? Would she be annoyed that they had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>scared</span>
  </em>
  <span> of telling her? Especially as Georgie herself had an </span>
  <em>
    <span>odd</span>
  </em>
  <span> relationship with herself. It was entirely irrational and they knew that. Georgie was trans herself. She would be the last person to judge Melanie...right? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Melanie knew they couldn’t put it off forever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a peaceful night. A quiet one with Melanie curled up by Georgie’s side. The latter was absentmindedly braiding the former’s hair. It was soothing; comforting even. Because Georgie had become the constant in their life; the one thing they hoped they would have for a long time. “Gee?” Melanie hesitated as they spoke. “I-I need to tell you something. It’s important.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Georgie’s hand in their hair stilled as her arms insteads moved to wrap themselves around Melanie, pulling them close until their head was rested against her chest. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?” There was something sharp in her voice. Not that Melanie was surprised considering everything that happened. Serious things tended to be a mess for them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-” They took a deep breath. They could do this. “I’m not a girl. I’m not a guy either. I’m neither. Like Jon.” Melanie felt both like a weight had been lifted from their chest and like all the air had been pushed out of their lungs. This...This was the first time they had said it out loud. “They/Them too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Georgie’s voice was soft as she adjusted Melanie in her arms, pressing a kiss to the top of their head. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. But it changes nothing, okay? I promise.” Melanie had never been so relieved in their life. “I love you, Melanie. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I adore you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Nothing in the universe could make me leave you behind. Coming out is always terrifying and I am so proud of you for telling me” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too.” That was yet another thing they knew for certain. Melanie loved her without question. They suspected that they always would. The prospect of being with anyone but Georgie felt wrong in so many ways. “God...I’ve been wanting to tell someone for so long. I-I’ve been hiding it for so long.” Were they crying? They were fairly certain they were crying. “...I was scared.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I guess you’re lucky that I’m fearless enough for the both of us.” That managed to get a shaky laugh out of Melanie. “We-” Whatever she was going to say was cut off by a loud meow as the Admiral made his presence on the bed known, butting his head against Melanie’s hand in a demand  for attention that they gladly provided. “See? Even he approves of it. All I want is for you to be comfortable, Mel. All I want is for you to be able to be yourself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once more, Melanie had a few more certainties in their life. The Admiral was the world’s sweetest and most demanding cat. They loved Georgie Barker. Georgie Barker loved them. They were a nonbinary lesbian. They were themself and they were finally okay with it. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments and kudos are always appreciated or hmu @ desert-lily on tumblr</p></blockquote></div></div>
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